Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
