Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
