PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It's shark week go big or go home
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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