why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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