is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
