Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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