Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
