8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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