Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
