After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
