The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
