I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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