Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
