Betty ford says i'm here all night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
