Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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