My first STD was from a foam party
your room smells of hookers.
And success
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
