It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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