I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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