So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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