Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
