at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Is Oprah even human
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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