it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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