You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
