Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
