I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
