How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
