My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Oh god it's open bar.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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