So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
