The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
