Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize