I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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