I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I fill condoms, not promises.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
