I have surprise drugs for everyone
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
