Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
