every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
