I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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