I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
