I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Of course I have a pirate flag
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
