Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
