Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
