The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
