I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
