I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
