I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
