Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
