I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
