it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
