I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
