You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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