I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
