P.S. I can't hear my feet
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
