why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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