I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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