she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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