just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
