He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
