I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
