There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
