Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
