i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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