I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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