i was born a porn star she said
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
