If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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