She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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