i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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