Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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