Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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