It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
