Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
