Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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