...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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