i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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