Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is it penis luge time yet?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
