she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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