Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
