I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
