He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
