I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
