We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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