wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
