Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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