It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
