Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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