puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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