Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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