smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
