what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize