hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
