I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
dude. I can hear the air.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
