Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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