doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
