My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize