butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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