do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
