So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize