I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
