Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
