...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
