So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
