hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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