You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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