think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize