Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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