so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
FUCK WHALES
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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