Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
