She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
