after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
