i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
