some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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