We won't sleep together?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
there is glitter all over my balls
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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