she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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